


Retail Magicks: A Yettengat Orders a Pizza

by BardicRaven



Series: Retail Magicks [4]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Aliens, Bigfoot - Freeform, Everything's better with Pizza, Extra-terrestrials, Gen, Pizza, Vacations gone wrong, hunger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 10:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16303610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BardicRaven/pseuds/BardicRaven
Summary: An accountant has no business taking a wilderness vacation, no matter what species they are.Fortunately, modern tech is here to save the day.





	Retail Magicks: A Yettengat Orders a Pizza

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MikeDiamond](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikeDiamond/gifts).



The large being standing disconsolately on the trail didn’t know a lot of things just at this moment, but the one thing he did know what that he was hungry.

And when a Yettengat is hungry, that is a huge hunger indeed. For another name for a Yettengat is Bigfoot and they are not only big of foot, but also big of everything else as well.

Including stomach.

What to do? He was willing, now, to admit that he had had no business signing up for a living rough vacation in the wilds of another planet. He was rubbish at both hunting and fishing, and while he’d been able to gather a few nuts and berries that he’d been reasonably sure weren’t poisonous to him, they hadn’t done more than take the barest edge off his hunger.

He sat down heavily on a massive log that only groaned a little under his weight and prepared for a massive bout of feeling sorry for himself. He’d only been sitting and brooding a few minutes when a thought suddenly struck him. He pulled out his communication device from his waist pouch and scrolled through the information there on how to survive and thrive on Earth.

He scrolled through information on Earth’s prey animals and what was not an acceptable prey item, due to being a domestic pet or piece of livestock. He scrolled through the list of fish and other water-based prey items, starting to feel more than a little depressed. He was very good at what he did – just that what he did had absolutely nothing to do with surviving in a wilderness on another planet.

He’d scrolled through all the hunting and fishing information and a large chunk of the language and customs sections as well before he found it. Ah, there it was! A brief note stating that a ‘pizza place’ had put in a number of ‘hotspots’ where food orders could be placed, even from the wilderness.

Fortunately, he’d asked for a set-down point not too far away from human civilization – perhaps even then knowing, underneath, that he was biting off more than he could chew – so, it was a matter of only a few moments and he was at the location of the nearest of those ‘hotspots’, thanking his ancestors that all visitors to Earth were required to have certain key phrases saved in their communication devices, in case of emergency.

“I would like to order some food.” was, again thankfully, one of them.

After a brief conversation with the human on the other end, consisting of the human asking a few questions and his pointing at the closest answer he could find on his list off key phrases and the computer repeating it in English, the order was placed and he settled in to wait. 

* * *

 

It was about thirty Earth minutes later when he saw one of their wheeled vehicles pull up, painted in colors and shapes reminiscent of the restaurant that advertised having the ‘hotspots’. The driver of the vehicle got out, pulled out a box presumably containing the Earth food known as ‘meat-lover's pizza’, turned around, then stopped abruptly, seeing who their customer really was.

“I mean you no harm,” he said in gutteral but understandable English. “I have ordered food. I have the ability to pay.” He held out his communication device. The driver, suddenly coming unfrozen, blinked owlishly once, twice, then held out a credit-card reader in return. The two devices brushed, their information mated, then withdrew, the transaction completed.

The driver held out the box, a little uncertainly. “Well, here’s your pizza, mister… Mister?”

He nodded, taking the box. “Yes, I am a male. But I do not think you could pronounce my name.” He took a long sniff of the delightful aromas emmanating from the box. “I think I will enjoy this. It smells quite good.”

“Uhm, thank you.” Finding themselves on firmer customer-service ground, “Yes, thank you for ordering from the Pizzazz Pizza + Pie Palace. We’re happy that you are enjoying your order and hope to serve you again.” They took a step back and slid back into their car and drove away, not too fast, tho’ he noticed little else but the delicious flavor of the slices he was bringing to his mouth one after the other.

“Yes,” he said to no one in particular, this time in his own language, “Yes, I will be ordering this again.”

An elegant solution, really, one that would let him appreciate nature’s beauty on this new world, while not starving to sickness or death along the way.

Yes, an elegant solution, indeed.

And a tasty one, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the story we've both been talking about, ever since we saw a certain commercial together. 
> 
> Quite Possibly a Dream of Futures Past as well as an entry in the Retail Magicks Universe, but time will tell for that.
> 
> In the meantime, enjoy!
> 
> Bardic Raven


End file.
